Washington – Just days ahead of his inauguration, and fresh off his contentious feud with civil rights hero John Lewis, President-elect Donald Trump made a stunning announcement today. His plan is not only to repeal Obamacare but he will also be eliminating February as Black History Month.
Can Trump really use executive power to do this? The short answer is yes. A law is believed to have been drafted, signed, and voted upon by all Senators within the past few days. The language is simple and to the point. The law reads, ‘I am Donald Trump and I can do whatever the hell I want. Suck it.’ Several Republican and Democratic Senators we spoke with said they were unaware of the bill and never saw or signed such a thing. They believe it may be the work of well known serial prankster, Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell. CIA leaders are said to be investigating the matter but none of them will have jobs in a few days, so the law will likely stick.
“No offense John Lewis and all black people,” defended Trump in a very small and private press conference. “I love black people. Kanye West may be the most talented person we have in this country. He is black. Very black I might add. But who ever decided that you all would get your own month? It’s ridiculous. It’s wrong. I’ve spoken with people and they agree with me. Why not give Mexicans and Asians their own months too? Hell, why stop there? Let’s put 200 months on the calendar and every damned race can have their own month. And before anyone asks, I get the whole slave thing and the history behind it. But it’s time to move on and make America great again!! We will be replacing Black History Month with something else but we’ll reveal that when it get’s closer to February. Or maybe we’ll just do it and have everyone fall in line. Haven’t decided yet. Don’t have to. I’m not here to be popular. I’m here to make America great. Again. Like those times it was great. Those that tell you anything differently about me are liars. Don’t listen to them. Just me. Well, and Paul Ryan maybe. You can trust him. And Russia. Putin. You can trust them. No, I take all of that back. Don’t trust anyone. Just me.”
According to experts, Trump’s approval rating has dipped significantly lower than any incoming President. Thomas Jefferson called the country ‘a bunch of ninnies’ in early 1801 for some unknown reason and saw his polling numbers plummet as a result. He said he was sorry and Americans forgave him. Only history will tell us if Donald Trump will be so lucky.