Boise, ID – “Sure, it looked at little run down and maybe even a little spooky,” shared the shaken patriarch of the Allen family. “We needed gas and we were in Idaho for God’s sake. There may not have been gas for another 200 miles. The sign said ‘Under New Management’ so I figured it was safe and the new owners would be making some good changes. What’s really left to trust in this world if you can’t trust a sign like that.”
One of our traveling correspondents discovered the family of four puking their guts out near the western border just off the I84 freeway. According to Glenda Allen, wife of ‘idiot husband’ Darrell, there was a problem with the gas pump. “Thirty dollars normally fills our tank but we only got 3/4 of a tank. Long story short, my genius husband bartered with the manager to give us free chorizo cheese burritos from their newly installed Habanero Grill. We’re all tired from traveling so we blindly agreed that this would be a good deal. They actually didn’t taste that bad. Until we had to taste it twice.”
Glenda turned away and began violently vomiting into the gravel side road once again. As she gasped for air she was able to shout, “It’s not the first fucking time he’s fallen for this trick!! Asshole!!”
We stood there and watched the pathetic family heave up chorizo and cheese for another few minutes. In the distance it was evident that a family of black bears had caught wind of the regurgitated food. When it became clear that seven large bears were approaching quite quickly we decided it was time to go find another story.
As we drove off listening to the Allen family screech for help, MouthFrog couldn’t help wonder if we might one day be legitimate enough to cover the story that was about to unfold.