New Year Resolutions Jumpstart Economy

January 4, 2016 • Dumbass of the Week, Events, Features, Health, Life, Worthy News

New York – MouthFrog photographer and contributor, Joshua ‘I’ll write when I fucking feel like it’ Seater, was able to capture this alarming picture in Times Square of Gold’s Gym members waiting in a chaotic line to buy newly discounted treadmills.  This new year fanaticism and desperation appears to really be driving our poor economic situation in the right direction.

The S&P 500 closed last week with a jump of 4.6% to a five year high, due to increased retail profit reporting from early January. With 88% of the U.S. Population creating New Year’s resolutions, big box retailers are seeing the profit, while consumers are purchasing more than they can afford early into 2016. In a repeatedly failed effort, consumers continue to bankrupt themselves after the hefty spending month known as December in an effort to lose their holiday weight, eat healthier and improve their self described ‘miserable lives’.

Economists explain that the hike in revenues are being experienced by athletic clothing retailers (Finish Line, Dick’s Sporting Goods), national conglomerate gym and exercise facilities (L.A. Fitness & Gold’s Gym), in addition to health food stores (Trader Joe’s & Whole Foods Market). Accessories, such as Apple’s iPod, have flown off of shelves since January 2nd and are currently on back order, likely due to newcomers in the workout & fitness circuit.

Credit Card debt and inappropriate spending continue to rise in early 2016 as a result of this national crisis. We interviewed several American citizens to understand the psychology behind the recent behavior. Many mentioned their need to purchase new running shoes, matching jumpsuits for 5 days of the week for their gym attire, gym memberships, personal training sessions, organic-free range chicken breasts for meals during the week and full DVD seasons of The Biggest Loser episodes.

Economists believe this spending will begin to slow down in mid first quarter due to McDonald’s restaurants counter attack of releasing their new $1, white cheddar and sautéed onion cheeseburger in February.


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