San Diego, CA – Unofficial census reports indicate California’s population of approximately 40 million has dropped by a staggering 10% over the past two weeks. Long time residents tell Mouthfrog that they have seen thousands, if not millions, of Mexican looking people leaving the state on foot and in pickup trucks.
California governor, Jerry Brown, was able to add some color to this peculiar trend. “Yes, I have seen them too,” confirmed Brown. “We’ve set up check points to get to the bottom of what’s actually going on here. Our initial concerns are something illegal is going on and it may be tied to Islam. Or potentially to that new movie Assassin’s Creed. Anyway, we know illegals are fleeing prior to the Trump inauguration, knowing they will be arrested as soon as he officially takes office. Oddly enough, American Mexicans are also on their way out of our state. At this point we have no idea why. Except for the theories I mentioned earlier. Thank you and we’ll update you as we know more.”
“We’re going to Alaska,” shares one of these American Mexicans who chose to remain anonymous. “I was born in Iowa and don’t speak a lick of Spanish. Hell, I’m as American as Justin Bieber, hot dogs, and apple pie but it won’t matter. I still look like a Mexican. We’re going to Alaska because the Eskimos, or whatever the people there are, kinda look like us. Our choices are either to try and blend in with them or go back to Juarez. Not the best options for sure but we’re pretty confident tamales will go over big in Alaska. Only time will tell I guess.”
The Trump camp as apparently already caught wind of this massive pilgrimage. Trump himself was not immediately available for comment. He did, however, tweet that a newly created Cabinet position called ‘Czar of Coercion’ would be appointed within the next several days. It’s expected that this person would deal with such matters. Early potential candidates include Ted Nugent and some other people. It’s hard to believe Mr. Nugent will not be appointed.