The average person spends about 4 years out of their life on the toilet taking a dump. That’s at about 10 minutes per day and we know that many of you out there are not average. It could be, in some cases, as much as 10 years out of your life sittin’ on the can, poopin’. Well, what if you never had to take a poop again?
All we need to make this happen is the best animal trainer out there, a mad scientist (preferably a “mind bending” scientist), and the mighty dung beetle.
The dung beetle was crowned World’s Strongest Bug in 2014. There has not been an announcement for 2015 yet but it’s hard to believe any bug got that much stronger in one year. This amazing creature can pull 1141 times its own body weight. Think about that for a second. If you could do that, you would be Superman.
The dung beetle has a keen sense of where the shit is. If they were close to your butt, they could go up there and roll up the dung and either just eat it or come back out with it. Sure, it may take some getting used to. The idea of bugs crawling up your ass is not one that we have adopted yet. But this is how evolution happens. Don’t close your mind to it just yet.
So we have someone come up with a pair of underwear that will house the dung beetles. When they sense you are getting close to a bowel movement, off they go to save the day and eat your poop. After a while, you won’t even notice them. They may become a household pet of sorts.
Keep your eye on the prize, MF’ers. Think about getting 10 years of your life back to do something other worrying about the fact that the public toilet seat you’re sitting on was also shared by some other disgusting and dirty human. Essentially, you have just touched bare butts with this person.
Ever wished you had more time to play that harp that’s been sitting in your attic collecting dust? Ever wished you could sleep a little longer without pooping in the bed? How about just thinking? Wouldn’t it be nice to just sit there and think without stuff plopping out of your ass?
Eye on the prize, MF’ers. Get it done for societal advancement. Get it done for evolution. Get it done. Remember, we are the idea people and far too lazy to do anything further about this epic idea. We’re counting on you to make it happen.