Philadelphia, PA – After being given an 18th chance at being a starting quarterback in the NFL, Tim Tebow knows that this is a critical time for him to show what he can do. Always the lightning rod, Tebow goes against most conventions people are comfortable with. He flaunts his religious beliefs and doesn’t hide the fact that he’s left-handed.
Tebow continues to prove his detractors wrong. It appears, against all odds, as if he’s going to make the Phildelphia Eagles final roster. He does not and will not apologize for the John 3:16 markings he wears below his eyes during games. Tebow has been hanging out with other famous left-handers like Mark Wahlberg and Keanu Reeves. They are said to have been seen doing left-handed stuff, maybe football stuff, though no one is really clear what that means.
Tebow’s latest brash move is a challenge sent directly to God himself. “I don’t know if I can beat God but it would be an honor to try,” comments the buff left-handed quarterback. “I’m really confident in my abilities right now and I think I could do it. Put two minutes on the clock. I’ll be one quarterback and God can be the other quarterback. I believe I’d score a touchdown with my team and He may just be able to get a field goal.”
Eagles coach Chip Kelly weighs on on the challenge. “I’m going with my boy Timmy. He has been the shittiest quarterback I have seen in my 30 years in coaching for the first three quarters of the game. When the fourth quarter comes around this chump turns into a magic man. I’ve never seen anything like it. I’ve never seen God throw a football but I’m assuming he’s pretty good at the Hail Mary pass. I don’t know. I’d love to see it. I’ll still give the slight edge to Timmy.”
Word on the street is that this challenge has reached God, since he is able to hear every word and every thought that takes place on Earth. More word on the street is that God has been sending text messages to Ted Cruz about various topics over the past few months so He may just respond to Mr. Tebow’s challenge. There is no evidence that God has ever shown up for such a challenge but our guess is that even a text response back to Tebow would be a real doozie!! Here’s hoping the lefty religious marvel shares with the rest of us.