NASA Proposes Tower Made Of Pennies That Stretches All The Way To Mars

December 14, 2015 • Features, General, Invention Corner, Life, Technology, Travel, Uncategorized, Worthy News

Washington – Talks in Washington are hot and heavy about getting rid of the penny as part of the US currency.  While most ordinary citizens could care less whether pennies are used or not, one institution has a vested interest in seeing the historical penny die a quick death.  NASA has reportedly already had serious discussions and planning sessions about taking all unused pennies and building a giant tower that stretches to Mars.  Several high profile architects have been commissioned to lend a hand on what is believed to be an ‘inevitable end.’

“It is possible and we’re going to make it happen,” says NASA engineer Molly Fluker.  “My daughter just turned 2 years old and I’d be a really bad Mom if I left this decaying planet to her and said, ‘Good luck.’  Newt Gingrich and a few other folks are going to figure out how we can actually live on Mars.  My job is to get us there.  We have preliminary plans to stack pennies on top of one another in such a formation where there will essentially be a stairway to heaven.  Or Mars, in this case.  It would take about 3 years to walk up that staircase in our current plan but we may be able to turn this penny bridge into an escalator.  There is still much more work to be done on that front.  You know, I got some change the other day and I had a 1955 penny that looked like it had just been minted.  The durability of these coins gives us supreme confidence that our tower to Mars will stand for many years to come.  Who would’ve thought that something as worthless as pennies would end up being the salvation to our planet and our livelihood as a species?  Amazing.”

Earth champion and all around good guy, Al Gore, has mixed feelings about the project.  “I just wish we could have saved our own Earth,” states Gore as he looks longingly into the skies.  “It’s such a great Earth but realistically we may be past the point of no return.  I applaud Mrs. Fluker for her work on trying to save all of us.  I applaud our steadfast pennies who have served us for so many years without a need or want for glory.  I am not the person to decide this, but I think Mrs. Fluker may have a Mother of the Year award in her future if she can pull this off.”

It is estimated that there are about 200 billion pennies that are available for use in supporting such an undertaking.  It is also estimated that about 100 million of those pennies are currently in a ‘lost status’ underneath couch cushions and car seats.  “We’re going to need all of those pennies,” urges Fluker.  “We need all of them.  So for the love to all humanity, start looking now and don’t put it off until later.”


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